Top Notch Accommadations

I'm not a writer. Or, that is to say, I'm not a good writer. And before you sappy hearted lap satchels try to support my sack and remedy my sadness- I mean I am not a technically good writer. My spelling would be unreadable if it weren't for spellcheck, my grammar is acceptable at best, and (very clearly) my punctuation is that of a FOTB 4th grader. Although, to be fair, the schooling in English overseas is really rather rigorous. I have no idea what I am doing when I'm writing, but I figure since I can tickle the enamels rather righteous in real life then at least my writing will have intrinsic value. 

Then this happened.

"I really doubt that you are very intelligent" said the girl to me via instant messenger.

Now if it wasn't for the rock-hard ego I keep on staff with my rock-hard-on then I would have been pretty hurt. I won't say it wasn't a bit of a shock, I was pretty sure this girl thought I was smart. Or at the very least witty, I did recently clobber her in the face with a barrage of witticisms. Ontological proof of the existence of my wit by that very statement, no? 

So, what did I do wrong? Riggity-riggity-rewind.

Everyone should read this blog. And quite a few should write on it, but not as many as should read it. Now, despite my entries being enough- there is other good shit on here. Clever prose and wicked philosophy and even a few videos. And there will be more. So I tell people that.

"Hey, I wanna write on this blog. Any ideas? No talking about my penis or my attractiveness, that's already been done."

Man, not a strong choice with my opening line. Maybe this is where I lost her.

"How about whether you're liberal or conservative?"

I'm liberal for the record. But, here's the thing about politics. It's not funny. People only laugh at politics when it is facetiously presented with cool graphics and a theme song, or frustratedly (?) yelled at them from a stand-up's mic. So, I don't like to write about it. Not to mention, I just think my friends are better at it then me.

They're better for a few reasons. Let's start with how I had to google "facetiously" to make sure it was spelled right, or "ontological" to make sure I knew what it meant. And, on top of that, if you're going to present a truly piercing piece on politics then you should at least not misuse a comma- it's too distracting. 

"Nah. I don't think so. My friends who blog on there with me are much smarter than me so I leave the really serious musings to them."

Come on ladies! I'm humble and I'm witty. 

"I really doubt that you are very intelligent."

-This is bullshit! I am a smart guy. Hell, I went through this whole train of thought in like...15 seconds!

"Ouch."

But it turns out, I misheard her. Or whatever the appropriate e-version of that is.

"I really doubt that, you are very intelligent."

Well, fuck. I totally sucked the shine right off of that compliment. 

Which brings me to my point. I've decided I am going to have to re-learn how to use commas appropriately so that I don't accidentally jump-the-shark/nuke-the-fridge/ruin-everything the next time I am talking to a girl.

I also need to learn how to not look like a jackass when I wear shoes and shorts. That's a whole different community-college class though.